Today is the day.
I have never seen Dad cry before… or this happy.
A million questions are flooding my mind. When will he be here? Will he like me? Is he as nervous as I am? Will he feel like he doesn’t belong or will he fit right in? Will he be mad at us for living so long without him? Does he look like me? Does he look like the boys? Does he look like Dad?
I’m going to make sure he feels loved. I bet it would be hard to walk in here, five to one. All of us staring at him, picking his features apart, his mannerisms.
Will I recognize him? Will he see himself in us?
My palms are sweating. I can’t tell if I’m more nervous or excited.
Finally! I hear the truck pull into the driveway. He’s here!
When he walks in I feel as if I’ve known him my entire life. Like he’s been here all along. He looks like us, wow… so much like us.
Suddenly I realize I’ve come crashing into him, arms wrapped tight around his belly, squeezing over six years of “miss you” right out of him. I take his hand and walk him to the couch where I curl up as close as I can manage. I want him to feel like it’s at least two to four. I want to be beside him instead of ahead or behind.
As we sit and get to know each other, all of us, Mom, Dad, me… and all THREE of my brothers.Three. That’s how many brothers I have now. That’s how many I’ve had all along. He’s the piece of Dad’s heart that I never really realized was so gapping… until now, now that it’s been filled back up.
As I sit beside him I can’t help but notice how difficult it is for Dad to take his eyes off of him. I wonder if he notices it too.
“I love you, Jason.” I say aloud.
I finally get to call him by his name, to his face. A face to the name. My biggest brother. Today is the day our family, and Dad, become whole.
My entire life, as far back as I can remember, I’ve always known I had another brother. I’ve always know his name, his age, but never where he was or what he looked like.
Before my parents met, my dad had gotten Jason’s mom pregnant. Life took its course and for whatever reasons, Jason and my dad were on very different paths for a very long time.
But, my dad talked about him frequently. So frequently, I believe if you asked either of my other two brothers or my mom, they would agree, we very much always felt like we knew him, like he was a part of our family, albeit we never actually met or spoke until that one magical day… when we did.
I was six. I believe he was 18. My Dad had been looking for him, wondering about him, loving him… desperately missing him… for 18 years until they finally found each other.
About three short months later, my dad passed away suddenly. I remember, vividly, how heartbroken I was for Jason… and my dad… their time together cut so short.
Today is the day. For anyone out there looking for someone they love. Wondering if someone is looking for you too, hesitant to take action, nervous what may or may not happen. Take the leap. You never know how much time you have left. Every day is one less opportunity to get to know them or a piece of yourself. Be brave. You never know, maybe you’ll fit right in.