With my elbow on the passenger door armrest and my chin on my fist, I pretend I can see through the foggy window and out into the pitch-black night. I am momentarily distracted by the condensation of each breath drawing circles onto the glass when I realize the music is just barely audible.
She’s keeping the volume low on purpose in an effort to give me the opportunity to talk about it if I want… but I don’t. Instead, I turn my body even more toward the window. Hoping she recognizes my body language and turns the music up.
She turns the music down. Silence.
Here we go…
“I know you don’t want to talk about it, so just listen.” she says.
I ignore her.
“I know this isn’t an easy situation. I know being the youngest on the team is intimidating. I know Coach can be degrading and difficult to please. And I know this is the first time you’re struggling with having fun playing basketball at all. But this is life. You can choose to let it ruin something you’ve worked so hard for and have invested so much love and time into. You can choose to let the intimidation and opinions of others eat at you and discourage you. Or… you can choose to let it drive you.
If you want to spend this two-hour drive upset, you want to cry or yell or vent, I’m all ears. I’m your mom, that’s what I’m here for. But, when we pull into the driveway and you get out of this car, that’s over. You’re going to go to bed thinking about all the reasons you love this game. You’re going to wake up to a new day and go to practice with a positive mindset and you’re going to work even harder than you have been. And when you make mistakes, you’re going to learn from them, brush it off, and focus on doing your best. That’s all you can do.
You’re not always going to get along with people you have to get along with. You’re not always going to agree with whoever is in charge. Things aren’t always going to come easy and even when you work really, really hard and want something really, really bad… sometimes it’s just not going to be enough.
But you keep going, because you’re tough and because when it does go your way, you’re going to appreciate it that much more.”
The silence filled the car again.
I wanted to look at her and let her know I understood. I wanted to tell her thank you and how much I appreciate her and love her, but I didn’t.
Luckily, she reached over and untangled my hand and held it in my lap the rest of the way home.And just like that, I was reminded that I can do this.
Growing up I was very active. When I was little, I did gymnastics for a couple years, then got into soccer and basketball. By middle school I added volleyball and track and field. I was playing some sort of sport year-round. But basketball was my passion.
When I got into high school, I was the only freshman on the varsity basketball team. I remember being equally nervous as I was excited.
Unfortunately, the varsity head coach wasn’t the nicest of guys. And, honestly, that doesn’t usually bother me. I’m more comfortable around men. I like the direct, straight shooters. I don’t mind someone being critical and boisterous… 99% of the time… as long as every so often you throw me a bone, give me a pat on the back, and let me know I did something right. He just wasn’t so good at that 1%.
It wore on me. I felt deflated and like I couldn’t do anything right no matter how hard I tried. I felt like he threw me out to the wolves and not only watched them tear a little chunk of me away at a time, but he joined in on the feeding.
It was rough. It was an experience that nearly ruined the game entirely for me.
But my mom has always been a rock. She’s always taught her kids that quitting is not an option. That if you want something, you work for it. That no one owes you a damn thing. And no matter how hard it can be, you stay positive, find the opportunity to learn from it, and you keep getting up no matter how many times you fall down.
She not only told us these things, she showed us. She exuded a confidence in us that made us believe in ourselves. When she told me I could do it, I knew she was right.
She is the reason I am driven. She is the reason I take pride in my work ethic. She is the reason I believe in myself. She is the reason I am resilient and optimistic.
She gifted me mental toughness and self-confidence.
And, for that, I am forever grateful.
Don’t underestimate tough love, folks.